Giving Up Caffeine

Recently I was going for a walk and listening to the audiobook “Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself”. Dispenza had shone a light on stress as a survival response. He likened it to a deer’s adrenal response when it sees a predator. The difference is that after about 15 minutes the deer will go back to normal. Humans, on the other hand, have the ability to think about past and future events which alone can make us stressed. So we are capable of making ourselves feel stressed all the time.

He linked this stress response to depression, anxiety, feelings of competition, hatred, envy, scarcity. At this point, I felt like he was talking about me personally and knew me better than I knew myself. The part about anxiety, envy, and competition, in particular, hit me like a freight train. Although it may not have been what he was driving at, the message for me was clear: reduce stress levels. So I gave up caffeine the very next day.

The decision not to drink caffeine is a decision to live more presently, spiritually, off-the-grid, in one's emotions and familiar with one's inner-child.

Day 1 

On day 1 I was home most of the day, working. The withdrawal was not bad. I lost my temper at a family member though. Definitely the caffeine withdrawal made my response worse (and maybe caffeine drinkers feel like pushing your buttons a bit when they sense your calmness).

I decided to postpone meeting a girl who I’ve been seeing lately. It seemed like too much work and I didn’t have the patience. She didn’t mind postponing so it was a good move.

Another girl wanted to tee up a time to meet at the library to practise lanaguges. I suggested we go to a nearby cafe instead because it was more comfortable and I had no need for books. Then she sort of insisted the library then I got tired of her shit and said I’d rather practise with someone else (I was annoyed because by being too reticent she was adding stress and therefore making herself a problem to solve). I unfriended her 5 minutes after friending her and asked her to leave me alone. Then she seemd to suggets I was into her and she wasn’t into me and then blocked me. That’s why I asked her to leave me alone.

I would recommend choosing a day without much socialising to quit caffeine.

I did manage to be quite productive that day. This is important because productivity is the main reason for drinking caffeine is it not? I did 20 minutes meditation. It was much easier than usual, the time seemed to go so quickly. Got into that trancelike, theta brainwave state that Dispenza talks about in his book. I arose feeling refreshed and then spent 10 minutes doing an emotional release. I lay in bed and didn’t feel like watching endless memes like I usually do and fell asleep. I had stayed awake for less than 16 hours. This is important because in the past I would always stay awake a little bit later each night.

Day 2

It was the best sleep of my life. Slept so well that I woke up with a sore neck. Again, managed to be productive at home. An encouraging sign.

Day 2 is where you start to feel good and see the benefits. I was riding around on my scooter in the central business district and it was plainly apparent to me that 99% of the people on the street were amped up on caffeine. They seem like their skin and muscles are hardened into stone. The whole planet seems like that even. For me, it felt like I was on holiday. Camping. Truly relaxed in my own home town. Who would have thought it was possible? I felt like I was treating myself, enjoying life, while most other people were in the rat race. I suppose that is true but usually, I don’t feel good about it. I could tell that my presence was attractive to others too because I was the most relaxed person around. It was as if my ego wasn’t playing the human game anymore. 

I realised that so much of the behaviour that usually annoys me has something to do with caffeine. I realised that them being on caffeine is probably why women often seem bitchy/problematic to me and people in the workplace seem adversarial. I realised that other people like people who aren’t on caffeine too, and by not being on it, I was getting the best from people. They felt they could let their guard down. Rightfully so.

I went to the pub to watch the State of Origin rugby match. I realised that usually I have a loud, amped-up, overactive mind. I felt like it was a good thing because I could use to it control situations quite well. It never seemed to go down well with others. What is better is being the person with a quiet mind. Then you can watch the ‘smart’ person who is amped up and thinking they are controlling things.

When you’re more relaxed you naturally feel more dominant. Surroundings are less threatening by definition. Sex feels like something that just makes sense as if the threat has abated so now it’s safe to play around, have fun and let the limbic system express do its thing. Bullshit seems to mean less. Everything of the environment, body and time seems to means less as a matter of fact.

The decision not to drink caffeine is a decision to live more presently, spiritually, off-the-grid, in one’s emotions and familiarly with one’s subconscious.

My Reread List

I believe that if you want to improve yourself and your life, then reading is one of the best ways to do so. It helps you to elevate your thinking and emotions beyond what your circumstances are. That being said, it’s not enough just to read, you also have to read the right things. What you read should reflect your values and the impact you want to have on your brain.

There’s only so much one can read in limited time, however. CEOs read about one book per week. If you really want to internalise something and make it your own then it helps to practise what you read. And then read it again at some future time.

Currently, I am building a collection of audiobooks. And a habit of going on long walks and listening to them. It’s a good investment. Surprisingly, many books you can listen to in just 2-3 long walks. I’m having a lot of fun curating my collection. It’s like designing your future self. Here is the collection of books I would like to build my future with:

  1. The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success
  2. The 4-Hour Work Week
  3. The Power of Now
  4. A New Earth
  5. Practicing The Power of Now
  6. Stillness Speaks
  7. The Way of the Superior Man
  8. Instant Enlightenment
  9. The Enlightened Sex Manual
  10. Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself
  11. How to Meditate
  12. The Great Gatsby
  13. The Alchemist
  14. Levels of Energy
  15. The Illiad
  16. The Odyssey
  17. The King James Bible
  18. Bhagavad Gita
  19. Tao te Ching
  20. How to Win Friends and Influence People
  21. Think and Grow Rich
  22. She Comes First
  23. Sex at Dawn
  24. AskGaryVee
  25. The Millionaire Fastlane
  26. The Willpower Instinct
  27. The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck
  28. Models: Attract Women Through Honesty
  29. The Lean Startup
  30. Zero to One
  31. How to Hire A-Players
  32. Way of the Wolf
  33. 80/20 Sales and Marketing
  34. The Female Mind
  35. The Personal MBA
  36. Courage: The Joy of Living Dangerously
  37. The Book of Secrets
  38. Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender
  39. The 2am Principle
  40. The War of Art
  41. The Barefoot Investor
  42. 12 Rules for Life
  43. Rich Dad Poor Dad
  44. The 5 Second Rule
  45. Unlimited Power
  46. Awaken the Giant Within
  47. Unshakeable
  48. Super Rich
  49. The 10x Rule
  50. F.U. Money
  51. Vagabonding
  52. Mastery
  53. The Fountainhead
  54. On the Road
  55. A Moveable Feast
  56. The Primal Connection
  57. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenence
  58. Sophie’s World
  59. Siddhartha
  60. The Stranger
  61. The Dharma Bums
  62. The Catcher in the Rye
  63. Hamlet
  64. Julius Caesar

Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself

This is a practical, how-to about how to evolve your brain. Build a realistic model of personal transformation. Grounded in science and age-old wisdom. Just a bit mystic, so long as it works (?).

Having an idea in your mind not validated by sensory data has always been a theme. Challenging, risky even. What you want to actualise. Often we wait for tragedy before we start to make real changes. Why wait though?

3 sections. Sections 1 & 2 more theoretical, trying to really make you understand some things. Repetition strengthens connections and the likelihood you’ll overcome resistance. In section 3 experience truth of what you learned already, for yourself.

Part 1. Chapter 1. Quantum. Observer effect. Where you direct attention effects your energy and what you observe. Why do we focus so much on “things” when really energy accounts for much more?

Chapters 2-4. What it means to change. Overcoming environmental, body and time elements. When you’re present you enter the quantum where all possibilities exist.

Chapter 5. Living in survival vs creation. Become pure consciousness, free of the chains of identity and all that.

Part 2. Chapter 6. Your brain and meditation. Move from thinking to being. Creating physiological changes helps to overwrite existing programs.

Chapter 7. How to break free of the emotions you’ve memorised (that have become your personality). Bridge gap between true self and conditioned identity, how you appear. Appear how you truly are.

Chapter 8. Meditation. Demystifying meditation. How the brain changes. Learn about entering the subconscious mind rather than the analytical. Create such a connection that nothing could move you from it.

Part 3. Multi-step meditation process to apply what you’ve learned. You’ll know the what and the why if what you’re doing, make it more powerful and intentional. External changes will give you feedback. Learn to see cause-effect of internal to external. Experience emotions such as empowerment or gratitude.

The point of personal ownership is when it gets chunked into something you can “just do” like putting your shoes on or driving a car. Rather than all the individual steps. Can be tedious at first. Pain period at first.

Part 1: The Science if You

Chapter 1: the quantum you

Matter vs thought. Then matter vs energy. Duality was the old view.

Current understanding is that we’re part of one unified whole, energetic field, that responds to our thoughts and emotions.

We all want to live life as an idealised version of who we can be. Infinite spectrum of images. Which one is the real us?

Beliefs are the reason our past attempts have failed. Didn’t realise that thoughts make all the difference.

Cosmology. This is meant to challenge your understanding, the view where the linear and orderly rules the day. Hopefully accepting this new world view is challenging.

Mind vs matter appears to us be real paradigm (it’s not). How could mind effect the physical? This requires a shift in understanding of the physical.

Descartes. Mechanistic view of the universe. Couldn’t unify physical with mind but had to account for the presence of both, so he said mind was beyond the bounds of scientific enquirery. Mind was God’s instrument: the domain of religion. So began the dualistic view that prevailed for centuries.

Newton strengthened this. Classical mechanics. Everything is solid. Energy is merely outsource force on the material. (On the contrary: energy is what the material is composed of).

This view suggests that human mind has no impact on the physical. Quite a helpless view.

Einstein. E = mc^2. This shows energy is fundamentally related, interchangeable. It showed that newton-Descartes view was flawed at the most fundamental level: subatomic. Quantum physics was born. Dramatic paradigm shift.

We used to believe that atoms were solid, countable, weighable. In reality atoms are mostly empty space and are made of energy. Like a cloud? Unpredictable. Non-reproducible. Can’t observe without changing.

It seems that the very small and the very big obey different sets of laws.

In the quantum, things behave to elusively, jumping in and out of existence. Not obeying time? Changing dimensions? Transforming from particle to wave.

A particle cannot manifest in reality until we observe it.

This is known as the observer effect. The collapse of the wave function. With this discovery mind and matter can no longer be considered seperate. Energy responds to mindful intention and becomes matter.

Starts in wave state when not observed. Pure potential. Anything you can cknceivd already exists as a possibility in the quantum field, waiting to be observed by you. A reality where you are healthy, wealthy and happy.

Mind and matter are completely entangled. Mind has effect on energy/matter because your consciousness is energy. And energy has consciousness. You are energy with a consciousness.

Everyone broadcasts a distinct energy pattern or signature. This energy carries information.

Prayer, sepsis experiments. People who were prayed for retroactively got better.

State of body and state of mind are much the same. The body influences matter as well.

We communicate with quantum field primarily with our thoughts and feelings.

Heart math research institute. Link between emotional state and heart rhythms. Bad emotions make heart Rhythms erratic and disorganised. Good emotions produce highly ordered patterns (heart coherence). Experiment showing intention could wind/unwind DNA in a vial. Could only occur when they were in positive emotional state. The positive emotional intent and thought did nothing on their own, but together they had the intended effect.

Quantum field doesn’t respond to what we want, it responds to who we are being.

Think like this: thoughts provide the electrical and feelings the magnetic. Together they create an electromagnetic signature we broadcast. There are signatures for things like health, genius, wealth. The theory is that we need to make out just have the signature of what we want to attract.

We need to create a new electromagnetic signature… to pull us towards the potential reality we want.

Wave patterns. Much more powerful when coherent, aligned. Like when your thoughts, feelings are aligned.

Story of catholic guilt confusing the signal. Making it an incoherent signature. Thinking in one way, feeling another.

Manifestations should surprise us. Shows it’s sublime, inspired. The same you trying to control the outcome. Newtonian. Leave the how to the quantum field. Leap of faith necessary, desirable even.

Be grateful for things that haven’t happened yet. You need to feel as if something has already happened.

It makes sense that there is an intelligence at play, organising energy into systems such as matter is made of. The same universal intelligence that prompts the heart to beat, trees to grow, gallaxies to form. Personal and universal. It observed everything into physical form. Pure love?

Be bold enough to ask for a sign that the great intelligence has heard you as well. Monitor the feedback you get.

In the quantum everything is inter-communicating in a higher dimension of information. So a+b=c doesn’t necessarily apply.

*Cute story about how his daughter manifested a trip to Italy.

Chapter 2: overcoming your environment

You have to change the way you routinely think and feel each day, or else you will get more of the same. Further reaffirming that reality.

Most people focus on:

  • Environment
  • Body
  • Time

We need to transcend this. Need an idealised image different to these.

Everything has been stored in the brain. Experiences with people and things in times and places. Our external environment.

We automatically think in a certain way based on our previous experiences. So external influences internal, even controls it(?).

Your identity becomes defined by the external environment. Your mind becomes equal to the external environment.

Your brain doesn’t change at all when you do all the same things everyday. The same thoughts, feelings, actions. Input remains the same so output does as well.

hebb’s law(?). Nerve cells that fire together wire together. Easier to fire in unison again next time. In this way patterns develop in a hardwired way, unconscious habits. Habitat becomes habit.

Your personality forms. Attitudes, actions become like a signature. Slave to your environment. Most don’t really fight it either.

Must create a new personality.

Something common to many great people is they have a vision and believe in it though it may not be presently actualised. Negative feedback did not discourage Gandhi for example. He didn’t need positive feedback to continue. Left the how to a greater mind.

Visualisation creates as much new brain circuitry as actually playing keyboard for example.

If we think about something to the exclusion of everything else… ? That become a moment where internal overcomes external environment?

Can mentally rehearse something you can create the neural networks to be how you want before you’re in the situation.

Make your brain from a record of the past to a map of the future.

Chapter 3: overcoming your body

The body receives chemical signals from the brain, and transmits a signal back, indicating that it’s feeling how the brain told it to.

Neurotransmitters, neuropeptides and hormones. (Leganes?).

Have sexual thoughts and then hormones will change in the body.

We first begin to feel the way we think and then think the way we feel.

Feelings associated with the body, thoughts with the mind. Together these factors are a state of being. These states of being become familiar, then a part of our identity. Becomes “I am…” after being strongly habituated. Such as: I am angry, I am not smart etc.

A single thought can snowball into you being an “angry person” for example. So you need to think “greater than” your feelings to avoid this happening.

Things become more and more hardwired the more you experience them. The body learns to memorise certain emotions. Becomes an unconscious program.

The body becomes the subconscious mind(?).

We live by habit when we live without consciousness. The body takes over, makes decisions equal to its memorised emotions.

The mind should probably be in charge but if it isn’t the “servant” body becomes the master.

The subconscious mind only knows what you’ve programmed it to do. In this book we’ll learn how to get into the subconscious and rewire it.

Cells become habituated to certain emotions (such as guilt). It’s a bit like addiction. We get addicted to guilt. New cells inherit it. Trying to. Hangs your emotional patterns is like going through drug withdrawal.

A conscious intent to stop being so guilty will be noticed by the body, which will want to return to normal levels of guilt. Resistance. Mental amnesia sets in and we forget our intention. We slip back into being immersed in old patterns.

Stopping habits causes chaos to rage between the body and the mind.

To change your personality, you need to change your state of being, which is intimately linked to your emotional patterns.

Positive thinking by itself never works.

Body keeps reliving past event? Body living in the past? (Not sure about this part). Creates more of the past. Like people that always live in “the good old days”.

Environment more causative than genetics with diseases. 95%.

Cells make proteins. Different cells make different proteins, using genes as blueprints.

Epigenetic changes. Paradigm shift. Less deterministic. Genetic code doesn’t change, but cells can be taught to produce certain proteins more or less, so there is a change in outcome. Genes “turned on/off”.

Laughing at a comedy show altered at least 23 gene expressions. New emotion changed expression of gene. Can happen quickly: hair turn grey overnight, because of traumatic stress.

If you’ve thoughtfully rehearsed something and experienced the emotions, then basically it’s already occurred in terms of gene expression.

chapter 4: overcoming time

All potentials exist in the present, quantum-speaking.

When you think about Past trauma, you start feeling that way again in response to certain triggers. Like Pavlov’s dog. Subconscious body/mind is living in the past.

Certain triggers make us feel a certain way. We need to break these triggered reactions to break out old patterns.

A temperament is an emotion with a refractory period of a few days to a few months. Longer than that and it becomes a personality trait. For example people might say you’re bitter or judgemental.

Our personality is anchored in the past. To change we have to move out of the past.

Sometimes we learn to anticipate things and he anticipation makes us feel as if it’s happening.

It can be hard to concentrate on anything else other than emotionally charged anticipation.

Living in the past, being pessimistic and anticipating something negative will increase the likelihood of a bad experience.

Living in the present on the other hand will give you access to all the possibilities in the quantum field.

Learn how to live your desired future in the now.

The single greatest impediment is thinking equal to your environment, body and time. Learning to think greater than these is first goal before the meditations. Doing this is a lot like flow.

In flow an hour can seem to go by in an instant. Refreshing experience. Environment, body and time seem to disappear.

Chapter 5: survival vs creation

Living in an unwanted past or future is living in stress. It’s like being in a survival mindset not a creation mindset.

Survival mode. Deer in the forest, perceives danger, fight-flight response turned on by autonomic nervous system. Body chemically altered: adrenal glands. Uses a lot of energy? After threat diminishes, in 15 minutes will return to homeostasis. Humans have this same response.

Humans have stress response to many things. We can even do it through anticipation or memories. Body has stress response even though cause of stress not actually happening.

We need to learn to turn off the fight-flight response. Can get sick otherwise. Stress causes us to get those genetic diseases. Lose energy.

Overproduction of stress hormones leads to anger, fear, envy, hatred. Inside feelings of aggression, frustration, anxiety and insecurity. Causes us to expression pain, suffering, sadness, hopelessness and depression.

1. Body must be taken care

2. Where can I go

3. How long do I have

What we focus on in stress^. We grow to be materialists this way, and not spiritual. The chemicals force is to think about materialistic things. We focus on the .001% that isn’t energy?

The more we allow our senses to define our reality the more it also determines our reality. We go Newtonian.

Why do we experience ourselves as matter rather than energy? The survival oriented emotions are lower frequency/energy emotions. They vibrate slower and ground us to being physical. Body literally becomes more matter less energy.

To elevate to higher consciousness we need to elevate above these survival emotions/ the big 3.

We get addicted to our thoughts which provide us an unconscious adrenaline high. We’re addicted to stress. Low vibration energy. We lose our sense of self without them. How would we know who we are without the big 3?

Ego. When balanced it’s natural instinct is self preservation. This is good. In stress though the ego becomes over-focused on self to the exclusion of everything else.

To lose track of all the material things is the beginning of freedom from our present lives.

Story of guy who overcame cancer by changing his state of being.

Can’t enter the quantum field as a someone. Must be nobody, no environment, no time(?).

Prefrontal cortex. Tends to be creative centre and decision making part. Seat of concentration, awareness, focus. Where we speculate on possibilities, demonstrate intention, control impulsive behaviours and learn new things.

Has 3 main functions/steps(?).

1. Metacognition; become self aware of what’s happening with us, know thyself, beliefs. Must become aware of your current personality: how you think, act and feel. See if they’re true and whether you want to endorse them with your energy. Learn to notice things in your awareness, thereby you can stop those patterns.

2. Creating a new mind to think about new ways of being. Can pick things known from experience: create a model. Open ended inquiries. The answers that come will naturally form a new mind, require yourself neurologically. Learn as much as you can about it: building blocks.

3. Making thought more real than anything else. Frontal lobe can turn down the volume on sensory, time, identity and motor areas of the brain. In this state there is no self or ego as we’ve known it. This is a creative state. Here you can recondition your mind. Frontal lobe = volume control.

The energy has to go to a new place. It goes to the heart and brain. We feel great once we stop powering that emotional, stressful self. Higher vibration state.

You trust that it will happen because you’ve already experienced it. You’re grateful for it.

The old pathways no longer fire together and that’s when the old you starts to be dismantled biologically. You stop expressing the same genes in the same ways.

Part 2: your brain and meditation

Chapter 6: three brains: thinking to doing go being

Computer / brain analogy. You have all the hardware and software but do you know how to use it? That’s what this part is about. Learning to drive analogy: thinking to doing to being. You can skip ‘doing’ step in some cases.

Brain elasticity throughout adulthood. However, if you don’t use it you lose it. You can consciously unwise certain connections.

“Unlearning and learning”. Process?

Must create a new way of thinking, doing and being.

The three brains?

1. Thinking brain / neo cortex. Seat of our identity and consciousness. Prefrontal lobe is one of four parts. Learn, remember. Reason, analyse, create, speculate. Plugs you into sensory reality. Think about doing bings differently -> different outcome. Knowledge is for the mind”.

2. Limbic brain is the chemical/emotional brain. Experiences enrich brain more than knowledge via limbic, which releases new emotions which signal new genes -> changes in the body. Emotionally charged memories easier to recall, bigger imprint on the person. “Experience is for the body”. Knowledge and experience both needed, take knowledge and live it, embrace it emotionally. Next you’ve got to memorise it and make it subconscious.

3. Cerebellum. The seat of the subconscious. Most active part of the brain. Each cell can connect with 200000 – 1000000 other cells. Processes balance, spatial awareness, coordination, movement of body parts. Habits, skills etc stores kind programs. “Hard to describe how you do it” when this part is doing it. New neurochemical self.

E.g. learn about compassion through books. Gain new knowledge. Sustained new connections by studying it every day. Put it into practise. Dislike mother in law. Then you think about compassion theoretically. Start thinking about new ways of behaving with her. This creates new software. Begin to notice old patterns which were unconscious. New behaviour etc causes new experiences with her, soon you truly feel compassion for her. Different chemistry, gene expression.

Can you repeat compassion independently of environment? This is the point of mastery. Being something should be easy and natural at this point.

You’ll know the meditations worked if you feel different. New personality is new reality. If you can create a new feeling that lasts, then outside changes should follow. Broke the cause and effect model of the universe.

Use elevated emotions to create your new reality.

Chapter 7: the gap

Externally sourced good feelings not real(?).

Gap between how we appear and how we really are. How we are without all the other places, people and things(?).

How you really feel if you take all of that stimulation of outer reality. Feelings about a failed marriage, fear of death, loss of a loved one, a sense of inadequacy due to a parent’s insistence perfectionism, stifled entitlement, preoccupation with thoughts about not having the right body. These kinds of feelings are what we want to conceal, who we truly are. We create a set of memorised automatic programs to cover these parts of us because society’s mores di not have room for that person (track 10, 8:45).

In a word, adolescence is insecurity(?). They seek conformity, identity. Self consciousness ensues.

We’re all scarred by traumatic events as young people. Defining events the emotions of which contribute, later by later, to who we are.

Our choices and actions often motivated by feelings left over from events earlier in life. Then we get really busy with everything in adulthood. We use everything to distract us from hoe we really feel inside. But our baggage from our past always catches up with us, usually this happens in mid-thirties but varies.

By this time when the personality is mature we know a lot about life and it’s nuances. We develop expectations about events because we know how it feels before it occurs.

Mid life crisis: realising you’re “the same leopard that hasn’t changed its spots”.

People try to recreate the original coping mechanism.

Some people face it head on and intently look at it. They wake up, who they are, what they’ve been hiding. They let go of the facade. Stops expending energy required to maintain this illusory image.

Relationships often firm because people share the same experiences and emotions.

Think of emotions like energy in motion. Breaking energetic bonds with people is a threatening moment for them.

When your life is over you can no longer look to the external. You’ll still be left with the bottom hand stuff (the real you, too hand is projected you). Never evolved as a soul in that lifetime.

Porn, gambling, overeating. How we deal with the unhappiness. Becomes addiction. You need a little bit more each time because receptor sites get desensitised.

Using the outer world to change the inner world doesn’t work. It makes it worse: widening the gap.

Wanting to be successful in life such as rich or famous, “possessed by our possessions”.

Eventually nothing is ever enough. Sex, drugs, alcohol, consumerism. Chronically depressed, bitter, angry, unwell. This is part of what the book is meant to address.

When you try to figure out your life with the same consciousness that created it, you will analyse your life away and excuse yourself from ever changing. Instead let’s unmenorise our self-limiting emotions. Memory without the emotional charge is called wisdom.

Changing, closing the gap, must begin from within.

With the meditations you want to get to the point that nothing heretofore unconscious goes unnoticed.

Case study of woman not receiving child support.

What energy from past experiences in the form of limited emotions am I holding onto that reinforces my past identity and emotionally attaches me to my current circumstances. Could I transform this energy into an elevated state to create a new and different outcome?

When you’re really not lacking: that’s when you can really start to manifest.

Advertising plays on our lack(?).

Chapter 8: meditation, demystifying the mystical and waves of your future

Meditation does so much for our purposes. Bridging the gap etc. The number one benefit is being able to access the operating system of subconscious mind.

Move from unconsciously doings things to conscious. This is the key. Being it to observing it.

Meditation here means self observation and development.

By observing you “prune away” old neurological processes.

What is the greatest expression of myself that I would like to be?

So begin with meditation to remove old self, then add new self?

Like a garden. Very conscious process, daily. Seeking to harvest a new reality.

It’s good to begin with focusing on just one aspect of your old self.

Brainwave frequencies: delta (deep sleep, theta (twilight between sleep and wakefulness), alpha (creative imaginative state), beta (higher frequency during conscious thought), gamma (highest recorded frequency, seen in elevated states of consciousness).

This is useful because it helps to determine when you’re in a state conducive to change, not just the ego trying to change itself.

Ideally we want to be at gamma?

Delta. Infants and asleep adults in delta. Conscious mind operating at very low levels at this point. Deep sleep. Body restoring itself.

Theta. 2-4 years old. Trancelike, imagination. Not much conscious thought. At this point phrases like the following have a big impact “big boys don’t cry”, “girls should be seen not heard”, “your sister is smarter than you”. They go straight to the subconscious mind because these slow brainwave states are the realm of the subconscious. This is the state where hypnotists can access because there’s no veil between the conscious and subconscious minds.

Alpha. 5-8 years old. Analytical mind begins to form. “Good at pretending”? Brainwaves slow to alpha when you close your eyes and the brain received less sensory data, inner world consumes your attention.

Beta. 12 onwards. Above 13 cycles per second in children. Low, mid and high ranges. Represents conscious analytical thinking. You’re probably in beta while reading this. Processing sensory data.

You can see that as he brain waves slow, we recede into the subconscious mind. The reverse is also true. These will become familiar to you hopefully.

We’re trying to move into theta in meditative state.

Low beta is very easy attention, such as rereading an easy book you’re enjoying. Mid is like learning, requires analytical thinking etc. High is in stressful situations where survival chemicals are in the body (mind is a bit too amped up).

Maintaining high beta for long periods requires a high amount of energy. Also it’s unbalanced, volatile etc. Unfortunately many people are in this state a lot or most of the time. Pathological behaviour such as power hungriness. powerlessness, pain. Everything is an emergency. It’s like driving a car in first gear. Bad feelings. Brain no longer thinks in a holistic fashion, but rather is like a house divided against itself. Over long term can cause arrhythmia, digestion problems, arthritis.

Stress is a result of addiction to the big 3.

The problems you’re trying to solve can’t be solved in the emotion you’re in. When everything seems like a crisis, your brain makes survival a priority, not learning.

Sometimes there are many different wave patterns simultaneously, forming an incoherent signature. Not good for manifesting.

Awareness can exist outside of analysis.

Associations make up most of subconscious mind?

Can’t access subconscious in analytical mind. We can after quitening it with meditation. Slows brain down to alpha. Slower, more coherent pattern.

Buddhist monk brain study. Whilst meditating on lovingkindness in morning their waves were off the chart. Then they went to town. They maintained same coherent brainwave patterns. They didn’t go into survival like most of us. This is the goal.

Emotions like love and joy are already profoundly coherent. Easier to channel them if already coherent?

Part 3: stepping towards your new destiny

Chapter 9: the meditative process; introduction and preparation

The purpose of meditation is to relax and access the subconscious. Book thus far has been to understand this part.

You want to make a new skill a habit. Build steps and then chunk them together until they look like one motion which produces the intended result. That’s what you want to do with the skill of this meditation.

Work on mastering each step. Work on each for at least a week.

Suggested program:

  • Week 1: chapter 10. Everyday do step 1 (induction)
  • Week 2: chapter 11. Everyday do step 1, then add step 2 (recognising), step 3 (admitting and declaring) and step 4 (surrendering)
  • Week 3: Chapter 12. Do steps 1-4 and add step 5 (observing and reminding) and step 6 (redirecting)
  • Week 4: Chapter 13. Steps 1-6 and add step 7 (creating and rehearsing)

Chapter 10: open the door to your creative state

Week 1.

Hypnosis and self-hypnosis involves moving from beta to alpha brain waves. This is induction.

Takes up to the first 20minutes.

  • Sit up straight
  • Close your eyes
  • Focus on the body

Technique 1: Body part induction. Body/merged with subconscious. Thinking about body puts you in your cerebellum (seat of subconscious). You think about location of orientation of your body. Sense density, weight, heaviness. Scan from part to part. Sense the tear-dropped shape of space around your body. Become aware of the way the room occupies space, the volume it fills.

Technique 2: water rising technique. Imagine water slowly rising in the room, observe the space the water occupies around you. Slowly scanning up. Until it fills the entire room.

chapter 11: prune away the habit of being yourself

Step 2. Recognising. Identify the problem, name it(?). Once you are relaxed, watch yourself. Be the observer of the self. Be conscious of what was once unconscious.

Pose some frontal lobe questions:

  • What kind of person have I been?
  • What kind of person do I present to the world? What is one side of my “gap” like?
  • What kind of person am I really like inside? What is the other side of my gap like?
  • Is there a feeling I experience or even struggle with over and over with, everyday?
  • How would my closest friends and family describe me?
  • Is thee something about my self that I hide from others?
  • What part of my personality do I need to work on improving?
  • What is one thing I want to change about myself?

Choose an emotion to unmemorise. Choose one of your afflictive emotional states of mind, one of the habits of being yourself you want to relinquish. These emotions are at the root of a lot.

Pick one emotion that is a big part of who you are. That you want to unmemorise. E.g. denial, anxiety.

  • Observe how the emotion feels in your body.
  • Observe your state of mind, attitude when you feel this emotion. E.g. competitive, self-pitying, overly intellectual, lazy, needy, self involved, sensitive?

Step 3. Acknowledge and declare. Owning up your failures, to a higher/universal power.

Change in joy instead of pain.

Opportunity to write: talk intimately and honestly with this higher power, tell it the stories you’ve carried around with you. E.g. o feel like I haven’t been able to do what I needed all these years.

Bridges the gap, releases energy that can be used for building a new you.

Admission is internal but declaration is external. What do you want to declare?

Step 4: surrendering. Yield to a greater power, allow it to resolve your limitations or blocks.

Let it take care of the how. The ego must relinquish control.

Your giving up that emotion you don’t want anymore.

You don’t have to do anything in exchange. You can’t tell it how to do anything.


Write: surrender statements.

Hand over that part of you to the higher mind to make it something greater.

Be thankful. Thankfulness is the supreme state of receivership.

Cold Feet Whilst Succeeding

A curious thing has happened. The tests, tournaments and appointments I’ve been preparing for and written on my wall, are coming and going. Discover Melbourne is blossoming. Clarity and competence are coming to me regarding that. Emotional, social intelligence.

This past week I realised that I could monetise this group. I decided not to. Or if I do make it some small token sum. I just like that picture better. I love the notion of having this vast techno-social organisation that I brought into this world working to achieve benefit for people. I believe it’s creating true value. That is to say I believe in it. I believe it’s creating a great deal of good karma.

Do I need to say what the benefits are? The beauty of it is that there’s something on every Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Reliably. At cool places. Good events. So it gives people belongingness, for free. I try to make it as authentic as possible.

People are starting to catch on to it. My life is starting to change. I was always unhappy that few people liked my stuff on Facebook. I never had friends after high school. Now I have too much to do and I can feel goodwill coming back to me in the form of likes. Got about 15 for a post today which is high for me. Is it unhealthy that I care about likes? I’m simultaneously conditioned to feel this way and feel that I oughtn’t. It shows me that I’m on the right track. I even got laid this past weekend.

Here’s the conflict though. I feel like I don’t like it now. I feel that the idea is dumb and I’ve made a public fool of myself. I feel that preprogramming events is weird. I feel that it’s creepy to have a group with 70% younger females and I should start trying to get more men in. I feel like it’s lame to want to bring people together as I do. Even with the variety I’ve worked into the system it still doesn’t feel like enough for me.

The curious thing is that now is when I’m getting the most positive feedback. Why is it now when I’m getting all this positive affirmation that I feel the need to overhaul the whole thing. That’s a bit what it’s like when you get to the centre of something that comes to life. And you make your mark on it. You get sick of it and yourself. At the same time though if you were someone that could tolerate being in someone else’s organisational culture then you probably would be there.

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I recently was inspired to completely makeover the suite of events I run. It’s one of those times where I can barely believe how uncalibrated I was before. On the other hand, sometimes when you’re starting out, calibration doesn’t get you anywhere and you just have to fight for every inch of forward progress. It’s all a process of learning.

The way I was doing it before was very cerebral. I was planning events such as at the highest altitude bar or the very closest to the water. I was trying to offer things that made other groups look worse by comparison.

I think the problem with this is that those events don’t necessarily feel good. It can feel a bit empty to plan out going to the highest altitude bar and expecting it to hold some kind of promise because it’s the most of something. I think it’s still good to do these things, but they’re like the icing on the cake.

I kept my Saturday night thing the same. It’s one of the few that doesn’t change week by week. I like it because it’s kind of dominant oddly enough. Something strikes me as weak about always frittering about all over town. Never just planting your feet somewhere and just saying “this is where we’ll be at this time”. It’s right in the centre of town too.

I changed the approach to Friday night bar crawls quite dramatically. An epiphany I had recently was that an element of spontaneity or whimsy is a good thing on a night out. Adventure. So what I’ve tried to do is just set the meeting point, at hotspot in town. I’ve noted that it’s a bar crawl, but that’s sort of contradicted a bit in the communications. I’ve left a few suggestions about where we can head out to. What I’m hoping will happen is that people will rock up expecting an unexpected adventure and that’s what we’ll do. It started to seem so boring knowing exactly what I’ll do every Friday night.

I also rewrote the descriptions. I created facebook events for the private group. There’s only a few responses, if any, but I like that because everyone gets an invite and they’re already kind of warm, involved. Perhaps most importantly I changed the venues to ones I actually like. My Friday nights are looking awesome now and I hope others feel the same. What would make it really great is if 100’s of people started coming. Young, attractive people preferably. Travellers, students and miscellaneous. It’s getting there. For me though it’s a bit like the watched pot that never boils.

I went another direction entirely with Sunday morning activities. Recently I moved them from noon to 11am. I like it because it forces me to get out of bed, improving my chances of getting to bed early before Monday. Hopefully others will find similar value in it.

What I’ve done is monthly events happening on Sundays. There are four of them in consecutive weeks. I hope that makes sense. It goes like this:

– ‘bay trail walk’ st kilda.

– ‘coffee & art’

– ‘Yarra trail walk’

– ‘Melbourne laneway walk’

For one thing notice that it goes outdoors then culture and so it continues.

You may notice that these sound kind of branded. That’s the big change. I took the kind of messy seeming events that were already running and I gave them a branded name. I defined their central nature and made them like a product. An experience. For example st kilda walk is to Ormond lookout which is a great photo op. Laneway walk has 7 laneways. Yarra trail sees the convent, children’s farm and boathouses. Coffee and art meets at a definite cafe and then promise to explore a gallery in the art precinct. So I created definite experiences and gave them a name, a brand. I also ensures there’s an element of spontaneity, perhaps in what to do afterwards for example.

As soon as I created this I had a strong compulsion to get the word out. It seems like if you have an idea it’s in the ether and someone else soon comes up with it. So I posted the four beautiful images I made for them on backpacking groups. Sure enough, 10 minutes later the guy that manages Melbourne social posted something as well. Basically trying to steal my thunder. He’s the one who removed me from their group I think. They have 20 times as many members it’s a bit curious that he seems so threatened. I feel like I’m playing with the big dogs now. It’s pushing the limits of my communication skills, sometimes I just don’t understand the nuance behind what they do but it seems to work. They have a marketing guy, media, sales, and more. I think my strongest angle is as a writer and to be honest I think it trumps all that. Maybe that’s why the narrative seems to favour me. I should come up with a story, an authentic yet compelling one.

Perhaps my story could be that I wanted to live a great lifestyle and build a sense of community around that. A bit abstract maybe. That’s something to think about though, I will come up with something.

My cause is that I want people to be able to be cool even without any friends. They’ll have something high-status to do every Thursday through Sunday. Clubs to go to. Pictures to take. They can approach women, put guys in the friendzone (if they must), learn to dance, go on adventures, go for coffee. That’s like 50% of what unfortunate people miss out on in this society and it bares so much on their happiness and wellbeing. It works for me to provide this service because I’m in need of the same thing. How do I put that in an elevator-pitch-sized story?

Finally I should note that I made good inroads to the areas I wanted to represent. Melbourne social is a bit too big to rebrand itself to be about these things. Same with Newbies and New to Melbourne. Art, live music, laneways, crown casino, cafes. Every month I have something on related to these and it fits like a glove. It gives the whole group this incandescent glow of Melbourne, young people, fun, creativity. Even badassery. I posted on most of the University Facebook groups. 200,000+ young people could see what I wrote in 2 minutes. I used to be afraid of the opinions of students but I’m not anymore and I think some percentage would appreciate it. No one else seems to be doing it. So far in my life this is my legacy. I hope my blog, travel, love life and business shine brighter as well. It’s all part of the same thing. The place I’ve been when I was daydreaming all these years.

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Thinking About Forever

It’s been a busy week. I have skipped over two different days, pulling all-nighters. The first one frustratingly didn’t work but I’m coming off the second one now. It’s 8am and I’ve been awake for a few hours, on a Monday morning. I call that a victory. I’ve gotten out of the habit of meditating and writing. It’s been almost a week I think. I feel annoyed because my mother has gotten sick and coming up is a series of important events for me such as exams, a BJJ tournament and a license test.

I published the URL of this blog on my meetup introduction. There’s over 600 people in the meetup now. So they could all find out about it and come and read what I have written. That makes me feel like I have to watch my words. I’m in trouble with the police as well. I have a court date coming up. So I can’t talk about that either or because they might use what I say as evidence. So overall I feel like I can’t share my thoughts and feelings like I could before.

The meetup scene seems so competitive. People have several different options for places to go. It seems like it doesn’t take much for something to stop being cool. What I mean is: if I said something risque on this blog and then some girl read it and then told a few girls, pretty soon I would have a reputation. Wouldn’t I? I don’t like this feeling that I can’t share my thoughts though. What do I have to hide? That I want to pickup girls? That I am pretty much elbowing my way into this scene intentionally and with plenty aforethought?

For the years I have considered myself “a natural writer”. Only recently I have started a business where one of the services I offer is writing. So I suppose you could now consider me a professional writer among other things. This blog is one of the things I can point to, in order to show clients that I am what I say. The writing on this blog is fairly rough and raw, unedited. I feel like it’s enough to prove that I have the drive for writing. That’s something I’ve learned in recent years. People don’t just care about the finished product, they want to see that you’re doing something that you’re suited to. Perhaps they don’t want it to feel too forced.

A rather big development has been that people have joined the leadership team of my meetup. I’ve even removed a few people There’s currently three people. Myself, a woman and another dude. At first I felt a bit funny about it. Didn’t know how to act. I haven’t even spoken to the woman in person yet but she’s doing a lot of good things. Showing up to host. Taking pictures and uploading them. Organising events. I’m close to promoting her a level up. My current philosophy is that I don’t mind having co-organisers, as long as it’s clear that I’m the leader. I want people to invest in it before they reach that level though. I like that because people don’t value something that comes to easily. Although I sense that some people don’t like being an organiser three or four levels below me.

Part of it is about competence as well though. There’s levels to this. The highest level involves strategic thinking, I think. Really it transcends any one platform and becomes about managing multiple platforms and thinking about what platforms might come next. Such as air bnb. It involves thinking about other groups and how you fit into the market. It involves perception management. Maybe that this is how I think about it is what I want to hide.

Lately I’ve been thinking about the choice to grow up and not have a family. I think because I have met someone else like this it’s making me see what it would be like if I did it. If you do it I think it’s possible to achieve most of the things that you set out to. You can become the person you want to be. You can keep the door open to meeting someone amazing. You can keep your distance from people in general and maintain your independence. There is an emptiness to it, at least when you look at other people on this path.

I recently discovered that American defence secretary James Mattis never got married and had kids. I was surprised by that. He must be married to his work. He’s so old. Isn’t that a lonely picture? On the other hand he would be surrounded by people all the time. He would be revered. He has a compelling story and is doing something great. He’s worth $5 million. Did he deliberately choose those perks? I can see myself choosing those.

I seem to be gravitating towards a path where I can sleep with hot girls and maybe even have multiple relationships. But also get rich, travel and look like a boss. Be notorious and have reach. In a sense, having women look at you as if they would love to have a family with you is good enough.

My life is a bit like slowly actualising a mental image. People didn’t used to take me seriously. Or they wouldn’t be jealous of me. I felt entitled to respect because I had such a sense of where I was going that it was practically inevitable. It was my destiny. I hope I don’t die, get in a horrific accident or go to prison. It seemed like whenever I came up with something other guys could just copy me. Now though I feel like I can do something and others don’t follow or can’t follow for some reason. So I can be different and do what I want. Really it just feels like my body is a little bit closer to my destiny. I’ve always known what I would do but now older men seem envious of me or disappointed. I guess it seems real to other people now but before it only seemed real to me. I’m less frustrated too, that might be the sweetest plum.

I’m aware that the quality of my writing is a bit like just wanting to be a baller. Is there something wrong with this? I don’t know. I think we’re conditioned to believe so. The two alternative ways I can think of are thinking of things that you like and thinking about giving. Why does that seem exhausting to me though? It’s like you have to change gears to think that way. That’s why I don’t keep doing it for long. Well, I suppose if you can be successful in a marketplace then that is a way of giving. It’s also the main way of getting money. So is succeeding in business and dating a way of giving which is sustainable? Is following your heart a way of meeting people like you and genuinely liking them? I think so.

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