I’ve come to a point in my life where I have achieved a lot of what I set out to achieve. My reasoning was always that if I achieved status and good game etc then women would treat me better.
What I’m finding is the opposite. The truth is my relationships with women are toxic. More toxic than ever. If I’m honest my relationship with money and perhaps people in general is toxic too. Maybe even the universe.
For a while I’ve been meaning to look for some literature to take a different approach. An alternative to the approach of setting goals, investing in oneself, competing. What I’m really looking for is a different paradigm. A different way of thinking about the world that doesn’t require so much force and which fulfills my needs.
Last night I decided to get the audiobook “The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success” by Deepak Chopra. It’s a short book, only 90 minutes. You can find my notes of it on this blog.
It was everything I expected. I don’t know if it will bring me results but it has brought me a different way of thinking about the universe. It redefines success from the socially conditioned viewpoint to something more… spiritual.
For example one of the laws is the law of giving. Everything is an exchange. We are conditioned to compete because that makes sense from the viewpoint that we’re all independent agents in competition and cooperation. Spiritually though, things flow where things flow from. In other words, give and you will receive.
This has been the biggest paradigm shift for me. I need to proactively give to people, things like my presence, positive thoughts and from my ability to effect others.
I don’t quite know how to explain it but I think I need to end this toxic cycle I have going on with women. It pains me to say, because I worry that it will not return to me in kind and I will simply be labelled as nice, but I think I need to give more, emotionally, to women. And then hopefully they will give me what I need as well. Even if they don’t it would probably be better.
It’s a bit confusing what exactly to give them. Something that has worked well for me in the past is flirting with older women. Things like holding laser eye-contact and even cutting them off mid-sentence seem to be well appreciated. And yet things like thinking of things that I like about them does as well. Approaching could be a huge one. Maybe this is what Zoupa meant when he said to approach women as if you’re trying to be the highlight of her day.
When I speak to a toxic woman, such as this Chinese one I’ve been talking to who is being very negative and has been offering me none of what would make me happy, I can just respond to her bullshit with a thumbs up and leave it there. She will probably feel that I’m not like other guys and be a bit healed by it.
This book has also made me hone in on what my purpose is. What I can do better than anyone else in a certain way. I think that’s being a thinker. I wept when I realised this last night, because myself as a thinker seems to have been so spurned in the past. Treated as undesirable. By thinker I mean not only writing but also organising and designing systems. I can use my thinking to create value for people; through my blog, social group and business.
I’ve read a lot of classics and non-fiction. It has helped to shape me into who I am today. I think the time has come to reshape my mind by reading spiritual books. I want to transform my world view. I want to see the world differently, with these mechanics of energy and karma and so forth. It gives reason to be happy. And hopefully I can find a way of living of greater meaning and abundance.
I think I have stumbled across the pathology of the English speaking world.
I feel different. I feel very light. I feel like I’m not sure if this is right. It feels more spiritual to be sure. What’s missing seems to be external markers proving that this way is better. If there’s no fight then how can there be a winner. There is a sense of calm in this house. There’s the chai latte which my mother made for me. There’s the blog posts I’ve written and the bank account with money and the pantry full of food. There’s the option of going out tonight and the uber app on my phone. There’s the walking track nearby that I discovered and the shower with hot water.