The Dark, Dramatic Side

I’ve woken up on Monday morning at about 7.25am. I lay in bed until 8pm. I got 13 hours sleep. After waking up at 3pm on Saturday my plan to skip a day by staying up until 6pm worked perfectly. I’ve figured it out: you sleep for about half the time you’re awake (or I do anyway). So if you want to wake up at a good time then do this:
– Get the time you would like to wake up (e.g. 8am)
– Get the time you woke up last (e.g. 3pm)
– Calculate the time that is 2/3 of the duration between those times (about 6pm)
– Stay awake until that time
I’ve done this a few times and it’s worked very well.

It’s always good waking up after 13 hours of well-needed sleep. Especially when it’s early. You get the best of both worlds. This morning though I had a bit of a bittersweet experience waking up. For starters I dreamed about playing games in the outdoors. Like games you play at camp in high school, except I was my current age. I dreamed about playing soccer with my high-school best friend Max and someone else in this grassy outdoor place with green mountains as the backdrop and beautiful weather. Such a nice dream.

So then I woke up and looked at the clock, very happy that I had slept to an appropriate time. As I lay in bed though I felt like I was experiencing this underbelly. Rhianna’s song “unfaithful” was playing in my head. There may have been one other song that was more wholesome. I’ve always felt that cheating was about the most rotten thing that a person can do. I’ve never really been cheated on in a relationship to my knowledge. Somehow though I feel like I’m experiencing this “underbelly” where cheating is a grim reality. Where people do things to hurt each other deeply. The part that really gets me is that women don’t seem to care just how much it hurts for the guy. Just how wrong it seems. Or even worse, when they seem to like the reaction it gets.

This is something I’ve been seeing lately. I’ve noticed this perverse, irrational side of human nature. It makes me wonder what happened to the good girls?

If you want to experience this as well you probably don’t have to look far. Just go out everyday like I have been. Face your fears. That type of thing. You’ll see some horrible, emotionally threatening and hurtful things happen – apparently just for the sake of it. If you keep going through that then I think you’ll get where I am now.

I honestly think this is what it means when women say “nice”. It means you don’t have any sense of this, so you’d be sent reeling and traumatised by it. The reason women don’t consider nice guys good guys is because in their mind order to be good, you have to be aware of it and then if you’re still good at that point, then you’re really good in their mind. I’ve experienced this because over the past few days I’ve experienced some pretty rotten things and it’s kind of impacted my emotional body in a heavy sort of way. I can see that women can see it written on my face. I have been less afraid to approach with intent because why should I be afraid to do that when people are like causing drama and all this other stuff. I have also felt what my personality did in response to this new reality: it didn’t want to cause undue suffering. And that is the reason that I have been feeling like a good guy recently. Unreactive.

I feel a bit shocked that there’s this alternate reality going on. You do hear about it in songs. Why does it seem so hidden? It is a bit exhilarating to be something that other people can’t handle. And to come out stronger from something that shook you to your core, knowing you wouldn’t be shaken so much by that again but others might be.


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