In the past I always struggled to “talk with women everyday”. Now I’ve managed to find something everyday where I can talk to women. The last week I have everyday. I feel pretty confident that I can keep this going. I’d like to report on what I’ve found so far.
First of all, I’ve found that my interactions have been getting into later stages. It seems like usually there’s a point at which she spontaneously decides she’s not interested or to suddenly leave. Often there is no apparent logical reason for this. 🛴 I’ve found that this happens later and later the more I stuck with it daily.
However it also seems like there is a certain social pressure I’ve found pressing against me, at times. Disapproval. I guess I just seem a bit more edgy or blase and some people don’t like the vibe.
In the past I’ve often felt judgemental or nonaccepting when a woman has responded to me sexually. Fox example last night I was riding my scooter and I made eye contact with this girl at the tram stop and she had this look of unalloyed interest as if she would jump right on me or whatever. Ordinarily I would find this a bit too much and pull away and feel that she was too juicy. It’s a pity but most women seem to pull away altogether when you feel this way, they don’t seem to persist through much judgement at all for some reason. Even if overall you’re trying to make something happen.
A big part of this has been going to clubs. I see why people recommend it. In my opinion there’s two main reasons why: that’s where girls are and it’s a high pressure environment. With clubs if you have a bad experience you can just move on to another. When I say high pressure I mean sensory overload, cool people, girls who will be so mean they make you sulky, having no apparent thing you should be doing or having something to do you’re ashamed by. This plays on so much of you that you can’t help but become a bolder more confident person. Certainly for a time and perhaps for the rest of your life.
I’ve found that when I go out I just carry myself better. I feel like I’m just a cool version of myself: who holds peoples’ eye contact, doesn’t lean in, holds court more etc. I feel less needy as if my value is stands upright and doesn’t crumple into theirs.
When you go out you realise that there is a definite alternate reality. One in which women aren’t reticent, people get laid, people have fun etc. you experience this first hand so there’s no denying it. Then you go back to everyday life where women automatically cover up as soon as you look at them and you’re never good enough for very long. And you have to contend with the suite of negative socially conditioned beliefs. I’m pretty sure this gets you in a downward spiral.
When you do it everyday you have ample time to chunk things in. For example I’ve been practising a “would you rather” game. I will keep trying it but already I’ve had some good experiences. It’s close to being a tool in my belt I could use in many situations. I will usually forget to do things at all the first time. When you do it everyday though you find yourself remembering mid-interaction. And I believe that’s how you incorporate new things into your identity: you try new things and it’s awkward at first but you get experiences of doing it and it’s easier the next time.
I remember I used to be utterly unable to hi-5 strangers even though I wanted to. Then one night I went out with two girls walking around the city for a meetup. I hi-fived like 15 people that night. Now I can just do it at random times when I want to feel more extroverted, whimsical or irreverent. Same thing with whistling. I couldn’t do it at first but now I can do it when I feel like society weighs a little heavy on me. It sometimes doesn’t sound good because it sounds anxious but maybe I’ll get to a point where I can whistle the tune that’s in my soul and it will be good.
When you start to pick up steam things like I’ve mentioned happen. Your energy changes. I’ve found that whenever I’ve started to become successful two things will happen: people will want to be around me more and my parents will mysteriously contact me suggesting things that would nullify my progress. My mother contacted me the other day inviting me to a 3-day hike in Tasmania, out of the blue. As soon as I got into a daily rhythm with this and I outgrew the mental blocks that she gave me.
Despite all this it’s Saturday night, I have a default plan and I’m experiencing resistance to going out. I believe that one of the most important experiences to collect is the experience of going out even when you don’t want to. I can clearly remember two times where I really didn’t feel like going out but I did anyway. I feel like those memories are like a “reason” to do it again tonight.