This weekend I followed up on my intelligent online work with some extroverted work, for lack of a better term. What I mean is that I’ve been getting a steady stream of new members by direct messaging masses of people. Invariably this leads to higher attendances.
This past Friday was the first instance I’ve experienced of something getting hot. My bar crawl on chapel street. So, I showed up. It was demanding. It felt like there were so many pressures and demands on me. It went reasonably well. People seemed happy. Someone went out of their way to comment that it was a great time. That meant so much to me.
This was a highly expansive event for me. I know this because I needed to drink to cope with it, then I ate a crispy cream donut and stayed up all night looking at memes. In other words, I needed to stop my energy or sense of self from changing too much by fucking up in other areas of life. It was still a win though.
The next night I had another somewhat well-attended event. This time at a bar on Brunswick street. I had decided not to drink that night because I regretting doing it the night before. I felt a bit more confident this time. Although it was well beyond what I was used to it was much easier than the last night. I love that feeling. All the same though I didn’t dull my senses with alcohol and there came a time where the girl I was talking to wasn’t engaging and the others were all talking, and I felt the regrettable feeling of judgement about someone’s facial features and worrying that my judgment would trickle down. So I started getting in my head and I felt that if this girl was just going to be negative then I couldn’t get my state up and deal with this feeling of responsibility. How can you get into state if everything you say is poorly received so you feel discouraged from saying anything else? So I just left.
I think it’s ok to do that because it wouldn’t ruin their night. They probably would have an even better time without an authority figure presiding there. In an ideal world I would have started working the room a bit but my whole point in writing this blog post is that showing up was enough.
Something I learned in this past weekend was that your tone matters. On Friday I often felt that people were reacting poorly to my subcommunication. And that is because I was being too timorous. Something I have seemed to share with my mother. So my recalibration was simply to speak with a tone of certainty. It wasn’t difficult and the results were positive immediately.
Something else I feel works well for everyone is when I pay my full attention to whoever I’m talking with. If I think something positive about them that’s like dropping a gem into the middle of the room, that keeps shining. Sometimes the shine can be a bit lame and I think that depends on the intent. Things like empathising, great eye contact, checking in to your emotions and good conversation during one-on-one conversations collectively seem like one of the biggest keys to success. And it gets you out of this state where you’re thinking everything you do has this direct effect on the whole group, like some kind of mechanical control.
It’s now the Sunday and I feel amazing. My confidence is up and my self-consciousness and anxiety are way down. I’m less reactive to bullshit. I feel better about my physical flaws and others seem to as well. I feel that everything is ok, even when I’m around others. I can look people in the eye with total ease. I feel like I’m shining or radiating somehow.